A good evening

There are a few things that usually help me to get a more positive outlook on life: Singing, good friends, good food, exercise. Had it all tonight. Sang Mass in B Minor by J.S. Bach, met friends T and F, ate minced lamb with hummus (Egyptian cuisine), rode my bike to the concert - well, that doesn't really count. Anyway. I love my friends. I'm tired. Will sleep now.

Whose responsibility?

I'm in a mess right now. My dear room-mate wants to move out. So it's his fault I'm feeling sad and confused and lost! "Please, stay here, you are responsible for my emotional well-being!" Haha.

I actually should be thankful for his new plans. They just plainly show me how needy I am. I know I need to independently live my life the way I want it to be. But that is the crux of that matter - I don't know what I want. Well, I do have some fantasies, but I have no idea how I could possibly make them real. These fantasies don't even seem exorbitant - a husband, a couple of children, a small house with a garden. It's just the ordinary, but - in my imagination - unattainable for me.
Because I feel so uncapable to reach these big goals, I feel no drive to take any smaller steps to alter my current situation.

I know I have to change my All-or-Nothing attitude. I know that small steps will eventually lead me to a state I want to be in. Somehow I have to nourish the little hope inside of me, that one day, I'll find contentment.